evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
