he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Fuck appropriateness.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
