So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize