It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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