He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
