Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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