oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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