Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
