the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
