Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
