Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
