My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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