we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
