No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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