Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
