i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
