Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Randomize
