I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
