so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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