VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
