New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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