I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
