Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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