Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
