textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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