Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
