I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
