Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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