If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
