imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
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