Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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