Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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