i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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