My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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