I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
