I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
