Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
