You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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