I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
