I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize