i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
