I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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