3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
