I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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