Having a random hookup so left but love u
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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