i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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