You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
