no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
