margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
