just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
