I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
