Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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