Apparently you make a good broom.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
