I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
