I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
