Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
