And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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