I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
this is an emotional support booty call
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
