Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
