Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
