Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
