I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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