Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
