The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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