after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
