i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
