people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
