I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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