Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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