I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
