it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Randomize
