the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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